I have crippling shyness. I am very introverted. I’m meek and passive. I seek a woman who understands these things and can use them to her advantage. I have a need to be controlled, abused, and at the same time, cared for. All the wires in my head are crossed. For example, I deal with my shyness by finding women that intimidate me, and letting them see how they affect me.
I have met a number of women in the BDSM community that say they are dominant, but in fact, quite the opposite is true. They are not alpha females, they still want their sub/slave to be dominant in most situations. I have been beginning to wonder if there was really no such thing as a dominant woman.
Then, last night I met a woman who might be the first dominant woman I have ever met. Like me, she is outside the BDSM community. She is truly in control of herself and her environment, and she took control of me easily. Although she said she has never dominated anyone before, she seemed to know exactly what I needed, she knew exactly how to handle me, and it seemed to be what she wanted too. I can easily imagine myself at her mercy, doing her bidding. It was a beautiful evening with a stunning woman that I am enthralled with.
I’ll just call her M. I don’t know what she sees in me that is at all attractive. I exposed myself to her completely. I told her my dark secret and tried to give a sense of its depth. I told her the most embarrassing things about myself. I told her about how shameful I feel, how little self-confidence and self-esteem I have. I was daring her to reject me, the real me, or otherwise, at least know what she was getting herself into with me.
We shared something very special that most people couldn’t understand. She began giving me rules, and I accepted them completely without hesitation. She was so stern, and it made me feel completely safe. That’s a rare feeling for me.
She told me I was a "good boy" and I said "thank you mommy." Afterward, she texted me: "Don’t be ashamed. I really like you."
She has been on my mind constantly since we parted. I then had a fitful night of sleep as I began to think about dreams I have had possibly coming true. But that is a subject for another time, perhaps tomorrow.