I have a very low pain tolerance. Although I gladly accept having my hair pulled, being slapped and choked, even hit and kicked, more intense things like spanking, paddling, whipping, pinching are too much for me to endure.

But it seems that every woman I am with is very hyper-focused on inflicting physical pain. I try my best to accommodate of course, and in fact, if I am able to overcome my limitations, I want to. I am willing to be trained with someone who is patient, who will push me to the edge but not over it. But these women invariably get lost in the moment and push me past my limits, and traumatize me.

My last girlfriend, C, was fascinated with whips. I bought one for her, even though I knew I wasn’t ready for it. She barely hit me with it the first time, and I screamed and told her it was too much for me to take. She yelled at me for being so weak, and then she whipped me again, harder this time, and the pain was far beyond what I could handle. The pain was so intense that I screamed, fell to the ground, and started sobbing. I sobbed uncontrollably for several hours straight. She initially tried to comfort me, but when that had no immediate affect, she left me alone to cry. She told me that this behavior was "not sexy at all." I struggled to pull myself together, but the rest of that day and into the next, my mind was somewhere else, trying to find its way back. It only returned little by little over time.

A better time was our first date. She began slapping and choking me, and pushed me to the hard floor. All of these things I knew I could handle. Then, as she hovered over me as I lay on the floor, she did something new, that I had never even considered before. She grabbed my head and slammed it into the floor. My body went limp immediately. I became sick with disgust as I contemplated the ugliness of this act. And I wanted more. This was what I deserved, and it felt so right.

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