What I ultimately (I think) want is what is referred to as a Female Led Relationship (FLR) in which there is 24/7, total power exchange. This would obviously be very hard to find. It would need to be with someone I am very compatible with and who I trust completely.
Essentially in an FLR, the woman is in charge, she makes the decisions. The man’s job is to be her wife, supporting her as her domestic servant among other things. She controls the male and reinforces his inferior role through sexual manipulation. Control and humiliation. Here is how far I have thought I might go…
I would essentially be a prisoner in the home. No driver’s license or other identification, no access to my own money. I would not have a name, or I would be given a different name by my owner, or simply called ‘bitch’ or something similar. I would be kept naked most times except for a chastity cage and collar, and whatever else my owner wants to see me in. I would own very few clothes, and they would be locked away until my owner needed me to wear them. I would not be allowed on furniture unless invited by my owner. My life would be one of neverending toil and misery.
Nobody would know of my existence if my owner so wishes. I would be cut off from contact with the outside world, including friends and family. I would essentially not exist, except for my interactions with my owner. This would put me in constant danger, anything, including murder, could easily happen to me without any ability to stop it.
I would be subject to domestic violence, physical and emotional. I would be humiliated. I would be raped. Severely punished. I would keep the house as a domestic slave and service my owner as she wants, but otherwise be cuckolded.
My life would be filled with unimaginable suffering that gets worse with each passing day. I am completely dependent on my owner for every breath I take. I live in constant fear of her and what she will do to me next.
An imaginative owner could use me as a canvas to paint a masterpiece of suffering. What if I had a locked chain around my ankle, connected to a chain on a kettlebell, so I would have to literally carry my burden with me wherever I go, greatly limiting my mobility in the home, making my chores so much more difficult to complete. The weight of the kettlebell could be increased over time to crush my body and my mind. How could I keep my sanity in the face of such an evil existence?
Its hard to know how much of this I would actually be able to handle. It both excites and frightens me. Simply living with someone else seems very hard to me. To give up this much control would take time I think, to change my mind to accept it. I would have to be stripped of all self worth and self-identity. But I think about this scenario often. Sometimes these thoughts burn inside my head. It very much feels like my brain is on fire sometimes. Those are the times my thoughts are darkest.