I had a second date with M just a few hours ago, and I am sleepless again, trying to sort out my emotions. If nothing else, at least I can try to get these thoughts down, to turn their volume down just enough so I can sleep.
It was another perfect date. We went to dinner, had drinks, saw a show. I did my best to care for her, to make our time together something special. And the entire time, she worked on my mind, expertly moving between expressing lust, love, kindness, and then contempt, and all of it completely under her expert control. She is creating extremely intense emotions in me unlike any other woman I have known. She is taking ownership of me, treating me like a sex object, and a pathetic sex object at that. And it feels so natural and right.
She told me that I was no longer allowed to date other women. In truth, I had no interest in other women since our first perfect date a week earlier. I deleted my Tinder dating profile in front of her. Later, she assured me that she has and will continue to talk to other men, and that in the last week since our first date, she had had sex with another man.
She described someone who is the exact opposite of me: a strong, virile, alpha man. He had a huge cock that she loved. He fucked her for hours without cumming, roughly, in many positions, before finally cumming inside her bareback. She told me this while watching me stroke my small cock for her in my car in the parking lot. She described how much bigger he was, and how pathetic I was in comparison. She told me to cum, and the people walking past at that moment must have heard my cries as I came all over my clothes. She held me, and I walked her back to her car with fresh cum stains on my pants.
I have always found promiscuous women to be so incredibly alluring. There is nothing more beautiful and mysterious than a woman in control of her sexuality, using her sexuality, expressing it fully. I tried to assure M that I want nothing more than for her to have all the sex she wants, with whoever she wants, whenever and wherever she wants, as often as she wants. I know I can’t satisfy her, and I just feel so incredibly lucky to be with a woman that so many others desire. In fact, I should be brutally punished for being unable to satisfy her, and I should remain chaste while trying to fullfill her many other needs. This way, I can justify being able to spend precious time with such a Goddess.
She has complete control and authority over her own sexuality, obviously, and she also has complete control and authority over mine as well. My brain is on fire with the possibilities. I have a sickening knot tightening in the pit of my stomach, I am breathing quickly and shallowly, my cock is as hard as it can be. I am under her spell.
Some of the possible future scenarios running through my mind: helping her get ready for her dates with other men. Giving the man my money to take her to dinner while I am left home alone. She crawls into bed with me late at night with his sweat and smell still on her. I lick her dirty, used pussy, my tongue touching all the spots that another man touched with his cock moments earlier. Maybe they will come home and make me sleep in another room while they fuck in my bed. In the morning, I make and serve them breakfast while I am left hungry. Maybe I will be allowed to sleep in my bed again, in sheets sticky with their sweat and cum. If they are fucking in my bed in the daytime, I might be sent outside to wash and wax the man’s car. Or perhaps I drive her to her lover’s house and wait outside for her while she fucks him, then I take her home. Would he be allowed to dominate me too? Would he hit me? Would my owner force me touch his huge cock? That would all be entirely up to my owner.
I hope my owner has female friends that she can talk to about these things, describing her control over me and how weak I am. When I meet them, I won’t be able to look in their eyes because they will know what a a pathetic creature I am, and I would see it reflected back to me.
I’ve never experienced any of these scenarios before, and they scare me even as they excite me. How will I cope with these torturous situations? What kind of person will I be afterward? Will I even be a person at all?
The possible scenarios and their many devious variations are countless. I hope that my owner will delight in coming up with new ways to humiliate me more with each passing day, taking me deeper into the darkness.
I am so excited at the thought of going deeper into the darkness that I don’t think I even care if it destroys me. I am placing myself in her hands, to destroy me if she wishes.
She is a kind, good-hearted person. I don’t know how much she will be able to bring herself to hurt me. Maybe it will develop over time. I want her to hurt me so badly. I want her to shatter my mind and sweep up the broken pieces. I hope she eventually reaches a point where she is sexually excited by hurting me and seeing me hurt, and that then, there will be no holding her back. I don’t think she sees me fully yet: I am disgusting and I deserve absolute misery. How can you not mistreat someone so lowly?
I am starting to realize that making your wildest dreams come true can be a scary experience. Strange.