I am very much looking forward to this weekend. M will be visiting my home for the first time and staying overnight. It will be our first time to be truly alone together and really communicate deeply with each other. I think we each have so much we want to share, and so many questions to ask. Questions that may not yet have answers.
She texted me orders for how to prepare for her visit. Receiving these orders gave me a thrill and made me feel safe and cared for. They are not easy orders. They will require much of my spare time to plan and prepare. I will also have to spend a substantial amount of money. On the one hand, these preparations are part of the excitement of her visit, and an expression of my connection to her even when she is not with me. On the other, I am very worried that I will fail, even in a small way, and let her down. I told her that I don’t care if she starves me or beats me for failing, I only worry about disappointing her. Its making me very anxious to think about failing.
More than anything I want her to feel comfortable in my house. While she is here, it is her house. And, I want to show her that I can be a good little wife for her. I am doing my best to prepare my home for her, with the things she has asked for, and also by doing my own preparations, such as vaccuming and mowing the lawn the day before. I am focused on her arrival and doing everything I can, at just the right time, to make everything as perfect as it can be. There is very little room for error.
She said that I will sit on the floor bound and naked while she eats the food I serve her. If anything is less than perfect, I will not be allowed to eat when she is done. She proved that she already knows where I live, and left me to wonder how she got that information. She mentioned other things that had my head spinning, but she has since forbidden me to discuss them.
I don’t think she knows how tightly she is already gripping my mind.