Soon, I will meet M’s children, which is naturally a big deal for both of us. I’m nervous about it.
I can sometimes relate to children well, as I still have a pretty childish mentality. But I find it very difficult to match their level of energy, and attempts to do so are exhausting.
As in every other area of my life, I tend to relate better to girls than boys, and girls seem to respond to me better too. I suppose its because I was raised among women almost exclusively. I’ve almost always had female bosses, and communicated most easily with them. I chose careers that were primarily populated by women too.
I have always been particularly worried about negatively influencing any male children of the women I date, as I am clearly a poor role model in just about every way. I recently told M the story of my previous girlfriend, C, who had a five year old son. I had told C that I was worried about being a bad role model, and she was initially puzzled and asked why I would say that. I simply said "would you want him to grow up to be like me?" She paused, thought, then said "no, actually, I wouldn’t want that at all." It hurt to hear her admit that, but I knew it was true.