I am writing this in the middle of the night. I just woke up alone in bed, Mommy left for work. I miss her, and I am so horny, my cock is straining within my cage. Normally, as a free man, I would jerk myself off, cum all over myself and then be able to have enough temporary peace to go back to sleep. Throughout my life, I have jerked off and cum at least once a day, and typically several times a day, even half a dozen times a day would not be unusual for me. Sometimes I would have to leave my desk at work and furiously jerk off in a bathroom stall, just so I could return and focus on work for a few more hours. But I can’t have that relief tonight, so I hope that getting these thoughts out of me might have the same effect.

Last night, Mommy and I had a similar night to the one before. She had a hard day at work, and so I worshipped her body and gave her multiple orgasms. Unlike the night before, when she restrained me to the bed, she left one hand free and told me to touch myself. She watched me jerk off with abandon until I was close to cumming, and then she told me to stop and she restrained that arm too. She poured lube over my cock, turned on her wand and put it inside her, and she began stroking me. At a few intervals, she would take the wand and press it against my ass, and I would nearly lose my mind from the sensation. I have never had more than a plug inside of me, but when Mommy brushes the outside of my ass, I respond ecstatically and long for her to penetrate me, even though I anticipate that it would be quite painful. Mommy seems to like to touch my ass, and although she has been very gentle so far, I know its only a matter of time until she takes my virginity and claims my ass for herself.

She told me not to cum, and to warn her when I was close. I was thrashing around under the pressure, and finally, I neared the edge and knew that only a few more strokes would finish me, I yelled out "I’m close!" But Mommy didn’t stop stroking. She kept her furious pace and simply reminded me that I wasn’t allowed to cum. It took every ounce of energy and will power I could muster to stop the inevitable, relentlessly urgent need to cum. Finally, she mercifully stopped, and even then, it took maybe 10 seconds of completely focused concentration to keep myself from cumming. It feels so strange to use every ounce of willpower you have, even more than you think you possibly have, to prevent something that you crave so desperately. Its so scary to think of how close I was to losing control of myself. Finally, the urgency subsided, and I relaxed, and when I did, my cock twitched involuntarily, just once, and a small, pitiful stream of cum shot out onto my stomach.

Mommy said "you had a little accident." I said "but I didn’t cum Mommy. I’m a good boy." She said "yes you did, I can see it." But despite the fact that a small amount of cum came out, I had no relief, there was no orgasm, no sexual ectasy and no peace on the other side of it. If I had that orgasm, I know that I would have shot that first stream up onto my face and pillow, and subsequent eruptions would have worked their way down my chest and stomach before exhausting, just as it has in the past. I would have screamed so loud all my neighbors would hear, and I would have thrashed around so hard that I would have severely tested the restraints. Mommy has mentioned that she’s never been with a man who screams out the way I do when I cum.

So I remain this lowly creature, and the meaning of my life slowly comes into focus. All men are less than women. Women are the perfect human form and men are deformed sub-humans. The cock is a grotesque deformity compared to the beauty of the vagina. I am a pathetic man. I am destined to suffer because I was born with a cock.

While Mommy has multiple orgasms a day, I get none. She relaxes while I toil for her. My body was built to serve her and to suffer for her until the day that the accumulated abuse of a lifetime kills me prematurely, and dying from my life’s burden gives my life some little meaning.

I am not even one of the lucky few men that get to put their cocks inside of the woman they worship. I am too small for that privilege. I should be abused that much harder for my shortcoming. The only value I can have in this world is either a decent sized cock, or failing that, my ability to serve women and the men with large cocks. But I was born with a small, useless cock, so I must be punished for it.

I am a disgusting creature, but I am also extremely lucky. A Goddess has taken pity on me and allowed me to be in her presence, to serve her and watch her be pleased by other men. This is the most I can hope for in life, I have spent my life seeking it, and I am so grateful to finally have it. I am so lucky to have the privilege of worshipping my Mommy.

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