This is my first time truly being in chastity, and to my surprise, the effects it is having on me are very evident already, just a week into it. If I was only locked up without any external stimulation, it would be difficult, but I think I could handle it. But Mommy has been teasing me, bringing me close to orgasm and then locking me back up, so that I am desperately horny all the time. I feel like I am going out of my mind.
Just last night, in the middle of the night, Mommy reached over while I was sleeping and felt my cage. Then she rubbed my balls, and stuck a few fingers inside the bars to rub my cock just a little bit, while I squirmed and whined. Then she went back to sleep while I was wide awake, my body aching for release, my cock straining against the steel bars of the cage, my mind as tormented as my body.
She asked if chastity was making me more submissive. It definitely put me in a certain state of mind, even initially just being locked up. I was essentially in bondage 24/7, not allowed to be a man even to the extent of having an erection.
What I am feeling now is something quite different than I’ve experienced before. Its submissiveness, but now with crazed desperation added. I thought I understood what horniness was, but in the past, long before this state, my desire would become so unbearable that I would stop whatever else I was doing, whereever else I was doing it, and I would get the relief my body craved. Now that isn’t an option, and the aching inside of me keeps growing to an extent I’ve never known before.
My mind is going to more extreme places, and things that I might have doubted being able to do before, I now know that I would do instantly for Mommy. I not only imagine her being fucked by another man, but several men at a time. I would guide their huge cocks into her, I would kiss her and lick her clit while her pussy was being stretched and pummelled. I would clean her with my tongue between each man. In my current state of mind, its hard to think of things I wouldn’t do for Mommy.
Last night, she also ran her fingers over my ass, but she didn’t push them inside of me. She rubbed and tickled my hole, and I am so desperate for any sexual contact, that it felt incredibly good. I spread my legs and arched my back, presenting my ass to her. But she didn’t even give me the satisfaction of violating me that way. Not yet. But I know its coming.
With each passing day, I resemble a man less and less. I know that I am changing, even though I don’t yet know what I am changing into. I am farther on this journey than I have ever been before, and I am both scared and excited about where it will lead.
And Mommy is changing too. She still has a vanilla frame of reference sometimes, and she was worried that my desperation was disappointment, that it would lead me to resent and even hate her. But of course, exactly the opposite is true. I am under her control, more and more each day. I have never been so fulfilled. I feel closer to her all the time. I exist for her, to serve her.
When I told her this, she then allowed herself to go further along the path with me. We texted yesterday, and she said:
Remember your obsession with Jodi Arias? That is nothing compared to what it will be with me. She was a poor pathetic bitch! I could break her easily. You have no idea the rage that I have within!
For the first time, I could really see myself being mentally broken by Mommy. And she promised that she would eventually break me. I can feel myself weakening already and starting to slowly fade away.