Last night Mommy and I said "I love you" to each other for the first time. I think both of us have been wanting to say it, but afraid to say it, for some time now. She was the one who had to take the first step, and then I followed.

It was a wonderful night that began with us cooking, drinking, listening to music, and having a deep conversation. She said that she felt like she was changing because of us, not in a bad way, but also not in a way that she could articulate at the time.

She let me cum for the first time in several weeks. It started with me using her wand on her for two orgasms. She then told me to get on all fours. She was going to punish me, and as usual, I didn’t know why. But also as usual, it was an off-hand comment I made that I quickly forgot, but she didn’t. I had mentioned that I thought an actress was attractive. She spanked me, then got a belt and hit me a few times with it. That was enough to make me scream and jump half way across the room. She yelled at me, telling me how terrible those comments make her feel. Do I like hurting her? I protested, of course not. She grabbed my neck and whispered angrily in my ear: "remember, you have no idea what I am capable of when I’m angry." This wasn’t the first time she had threatened to seriously hurt me. She then held me for a few minutes, and I started to cry. She comforted me by saying "its all over for now."

Then, she told me to roll over, and she unlocked me, and told me to start stroking. I had been drinking and was tired, so I would periodically stop, at which point, she would get annoyed and say "why did you stop?" and I would start pumping again furiously for fear of being immediately locked up and squandering this rare opportunity.

She then used the wand on herself and asked if I wanted to get my face in there and watch. Of course I did, and soon I was inches away from her beautiful pussy. I kissed her outer lips and inhaled her wonderful scent. She yelled at me to keep touching myself, and in that position, seeing her spread open, stroking myself, I started to think about penetrating her. This is the first time that thought has occurred to me on my own, and when I told her, she told me to put a condom on and try.

I got on top of her and slid in, then held her close as I tried to fuck her. I think this was the first time I have ever tried to fuck her in this position. In fact, there was only one other time I can think of where I tried to fuck her at all. Early on, she told me to get behind her, fuck her, and pull her hair, her favorite way to be fucked. Although I tried, I couldn’t do it right, and after a few minutes, she told me to stop, in obvious disgust.

After a few false starts, my body instinctively found a rhythm and groove, and I began to eagerly fuck her. She said "that’s a good boy! You do know how to fuck, you just need practice." I could feel my orgasm building and out of my new habit, I started to suppress it mentally. She asked if I wanted to cum, and after some struggling, I said no, and I stopped from exhaustion. She held me and told me she loved me, and I said that I loved her too.

Then it was time for me to stroke for her again. She began by watching. I asked "do you hate me Mommy?" And she answered "I do hate you. I hate that I need to use my toy to get off. I hate that I need other men to fuck me." I asked her again about her new friend, and she said that she really liked him a lot, and she couldn’t wait to fuck him. She said I would be in the corner watching, restrained. This brought me close the edge, but again, what is now natural for me, I tried to hold it off.

Mommy told me to stop and she would put my cage back on. I whined, I wanted to be free for a little longer. It felt so amazing just to be allowed to be hard, let alone jerking off. She asked if I wanted to cum, and in a moment of weakness, I said yes. She then turned the wand on herself again and told me to continue, but not to cum.

At the point where I could feel it building, and I was approaching the edge, she warned: "don’t cum until I do." I slowed my stroking and concentrated on staying faithful to her. Then at one point, her eyes lost their focus and she asked if I was ready. I began pumping hard again, but once again, my mind fought against it. It wasn’t until with some effort I made my body relax, that I erupted. I screamed and thrashed around, spraying copious amounts of cum all over my chest and stomach. It must have been quite a site because when it was finally over, I looked over at Mommy, and she had a look of mild surprise on her face.

She cleaned me up, telling me that I came so much, and then my cage went back on. For a short time, the fog lifted, my mind was clear, and I was able to set down the heavy burden I had been carrying. I was glad to see however that it didn’t completely undermine my desire to serve, as I feared it might. We returned downstairs where I cleaned up from the cooking while Mommy relaxed and read.

This morning, I am aware that I am not as crazed as I have been lately, but I woke up trying to get hard in my cage as usual, and I feel I am starting to get horny again. I know that in a few days, the anguish will be back fully, tormenting me. My mind will once again start to be squeezed tightly under Mommy’s control.

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