In an email exchange a few days ago, Mommy said:
You being in 24/7 chastity is something that I thoroughly enjoy. I feel like you are completely under my control. I like that feeling. It makes me feel like I am what you think of most of the time. Its a nice feeling.
After letting me cum a few nights ago, Mommy moved in and asked if I enjoyed it. Then she said "good, because its going to be a long time before that happens again." And the next day, in a text message, she said:
I let you cum last night because I’m playing with your mind. I’m testing it. I think your mind is now exactly where I thought it would be… I need it back to where it was, and I intend to fully get it back there.
I have now been wearing my cage for several weeks, mostly uninterrupted. It keeps getting more comfortable, and I am becoming better able to adjust to exercising and doing chores while in it. I have started to think of it not as something that is caging me, but a natural part of my anatomy. I think it would be quite disconcerting now if I had to remove it for any length of time. I would not just feel naked, but incomplete.
I am starting to think more and more about permanent denial. Along with regular teasing sessions, I think I could be reduced to a puppet for Mommy’s pleasure. I know I could then be trained to take more abuse, and then I would be on my way to being completely destroyed, existing as a non-person, a complete slave to Mommy.
And recently, I have also started to get more comfortable wearing my steel bracelet, and I am less self-conscious about it. Its also a nice reminder of Mommy, and more and more it reminds me of the unreality of the other world I am forced to inhabit most hours of the day. The real world, where I can be myself, is with Mommy, and when I am away from it, my thoughts are focused on returning.
And this has given me a strange sense of pride and confidence I have never had before. Instead of being constantly ashamed of my secret, I have come to value my secret as something unique I possess that is separate from the other world. I share it with Mommy, and together we are creating our own world.
I have never had a fetish for leather, or latex or anything like that, but if I were to have a fetish for any kind of material, it would be stainless steel. Even before wearing my cage, I regularly wore cock rings for long periods, even stacking them and adding ball weights until just simply standing and walking could be a challenge. And now I have the steel bracelet on my wrist. Although the screw keeps coming loose, I am going to be applying thread locker to it soon so it won’t be able to be removed without some effort. And of course, I hope that someday I will be permanently locked in a collar around my neck.
Steel has so many wonderful qualities. Its shiny. It has a very minimal, utilitarian appearance that is my style. It has heft to it. Its strong, rigid, unyielding, and yet comfortable against the skin, even when you are active. And, it’s easy to clean. I think anyone that is in a chastity cage made of something other than steel should try a steel device. Although some people online suggest that a cage should be lightweight to be comfortable, I completely disagree. The weight of a cage is a constant reminder of your status.
The Jail Bird I am wearing is the second size I have tried, and I think that one more try and I will have the perfectly sized cage for my anatomy. One thing that I don’t like about the appearance of the Jail Bird (really the only negative I can think of, and its a small one) is that the main ring should be bigger and heavier than the metal for the rest of the cage. I contacted Mature Metal and asked if I could supply my own cock ring, one of the ones I used to wear regularly, could they use that as the ring for the cage. I was somewhat surprised when they said that this was possible, as long as it is stainless steel. So soon, I think I will order what I think will be the "ultimate" cage for me, and I will choose my own ring for it.
Mommy has said that she is changing too, and she has also thought about writing as a way to express herself and think through her feelings. Because this is still new to both of us, we are trying to find books and other resources for guidance, but we are both frustrated that there doesn’t seem to be much other than BDSM information. She agrees with me that what we have, what we do, should be real, not "play." I’ve suggested that maybe someday we could write a book of our own for people like us. I am skeptical that we could create a "manual" of recommended practices and a generalizable system of ethics, as BDSM tries to create. But perhaps its enough that we describe our experiences as an example of what is possible once you understand that you are at odds with, and want to go beyond, BDSM.
For now, I think that BDSM materials can still be a place to get inspiration. After all, someone into BDSM might "play" at chastity for short periods of time, but its an activity that obviously can be done as a real practice. Cuckolding itself can’t be done without being real. And Female Led Relationships are just a type of Total Power Exchange, which is clearly outside of BDSM.