The outside world, the other world, has always seemed so unreal to me. Like I am playing a character in a movie. And who is watching it? Or that I am in a dream and just accept things even though they seem strange because I don’t know that I am asleep.

I spend so much time on the bridge to that world. Trying to look a certain way, trying to act a certain way. As I walk into work, I have to mentally prepare myself. I set my face and raise my head so that my back will straighten and I will look taller, more confident. I try to hide all emotion and project my voice when I speak. I spend so much time trying to perfect this face to the world, to protect my inner self, that it’s easy to forget that my inner self is the real me, and perhaps the only reality.

I wish I didn’t have to deal with the outside world at all and could spend all my time inside myself. I would crawl down into the furthest, darkest place and stay there.

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