Things have changed significantly over the past few months with sub and I. I believe I have helped him see himself in a better way. His self esteem is higher and I think he realizes he is worthy of the things he has always thought that he was not good enough for. I tell him daily how amazing he is, how attractive and sexy he is. I try to show him that he is loved, and he absolutely deserves to be loved. This seems to have caused his desire to be dominated to lessen. Almost vanish. Or possibly hidden deeply. He has this natural desire to be loved. It runs much deeper than other men I have met. So maybe he still wants to be dominated, but knowing I couldn’t be that, maybe he is choosing to hide his desires. He doesn’t communicate things easily and has a hard time asking for things he wants. So I don’t know if he wants that anymore or if he has enough confidence to not desire those things anymore. I can honestly say we are the closest thing to a normal couple that we have ever been. That’s what I wanted when I first met him.
The more I am learning about BDSM, the more I don’t like it. I have to admit, I did have a preconceived notion about it that was an immediate turn off. However since meeting “A” I figured I would give it a fair chance.
My thoughts often drift to owning at least one more slave. I won’t have them fight for my entertainment as A wonders.
My mind is being gripped by A, by the thoughts of a future together. It’s hard for me to grasp what A wants sometimes. How can he love me, yet want me to be with someone else? Isn’t that completely opposite of love? I know he doesn’t understand it either.
Everything changed for me on Saturday May 6, 2017. I was bored at work, so I logged onto Tinder and began swiping. Mostly left and I am certain a couple of right swipes. Indicating I was attracted to the guy I was looking at. One guy caught my attention, I will call him A, So I read his profile, which simply stated ” Easy going, fun guy looking for a confident woman to share adventures.”
I am Mommy or sometimes Sub calls me M. I call my Sub “A”. He is the one who writes blog entries here. It’s his deep secrets that he exposes for the world to read. To find peace and his own understanding, he also writes as a way to tell me about himself without actually having to speak the words. There has been times in the past that he will say “I am not okay” or “I am not well” and he can’t say it without crying a painful cry. Those words pierce his soul and mind. So it’s just easier for him to write what he wants to say. Reading his writings is a comfort to me.