My mind is being gripped by A, by the thoughts of a future together. It’s hard for me to grasp what A wants sometimes. How can he love me, yet want me to be with someone else? Isn’t that completely opposite of love? I know he doesn’t understand it either.
At the risk of repeating myself, I feel I have to once again draw the distinction between fantasy and reality, between BDSM role playing and total power exchange relationships such as female led relationships.
Everything changed for me on Saturday May 6, 2017. I was bored at work, so I logged onto Tinder and began swiping. Mostly left and I am certain a couple of right swipes. Indicating I was attracted to the guy I was looking at. One guy caught my attention, I will call him A, So I read his profile, which simply stated ” Easy going, fun guy looking for a confident woman to share adventures.”
I have a life that by all appearances seems normal, even good. I own a home. I have a career. My work has significant responsibilities, and I am compensated well for it. I am physically fit, healthy and conventionally attractive. I have a good sense of humor and like to have fun. By many objective measures, I would appear to be successful in life.
I am Mommy or sometimes Sub calls me M. I call my Sub “A”. He is the one who writes blog entries here. It’s his deep secrets that he exposes for the world to read. To find peace and his own understanding, he also writes as a way to tell me about himself without actually having to speak the words. There has been times in the past that he will say “I am not okay” or “I am not well” and he can’t say it without crying a painful cry. Those words pierce his soul and mind. So it’s just easier for him to write what he wants to say. Reading his writings is a comfort to me.
Yesterday morning, I received the following email from Mommy.
The blog has been updated to a much more robust platform, and I have updated the design somewhat. You can now comment directly on posts, although Mommy may moderate them and not allow me to respond directly.
Mommy and I had a fairly relaxing weekend. On Saturday, we took a small road trip so she could pick up her new motorcycle, although we were both too tired at the end of the day to go to a biker bar so she could flirt with other men. However, at one point, as I was between her legs with the Magic Wand, she said she was fantasizing about a large biker bending her over her new bike and fucking her. She elaborated how he would take her roughly in the parking lot. She would wear a skirt, and he would bend her over, lift it up, and start fucking her hard on the motorcycle I bought for her. She also added "too bad you can’t fuck me."
Mommy created a Facebook account for this blog, and I’ve gotten many new visitors from it quite suddenly. Its very nice to see that people find these thoughts interesting. It’s putting pressure on me to quickly upgrade the site, and I hope to do this within the next week. Then I can teach Mommy how to post her own thoughts too, and I think people will be interested to see the other side of our interactions. We focus on different details, we interpret the same circumstances differently. We have a lot we can learn from each other.
Mommy’s life and mine have been unusually busy this past week, so we haven’t had a lot of time together, but here are a few updates from our activities.